Cohabitation is common among couples today and is actually on the rise. In fact, marriage is declining in favor of couples living together. It’s exciting when two people decide to share their own space, but it can be a bit scary too. After all, you and your love are now going to be together all the time and see all of each other’s full sides and personalities on a daily basis. All of this can come with challenges that will require joint decisions and compromises. But you have made a commitment to be in a monogamous relationship, and that comes with some changes.
While they will have to make decisions about how they will handle finances, chores, cooking, etc., couples do not tend to think about how they will retain their individuality once they are living with someone else 24 hours a day. And not ensuring that each of you retain that individuality can be the cause of lots of frustration and disagreement. It’s important, then, that each of you thinks about what’s important to you as an individual and make sure that you are both willing to honor those needs of the other.
Where Will You Live?
If one of you moves into the living space of the other, it has to become the living space of both of you. So, it will be important to have plenty of room for the arriving partner’s meaningful and important items, large and small. At the same time, the “host’s” meaningful things must be retained. Sometimes, it is best for a couple to find a completely new space to begin their cohabitation. That way, they are starting fresh and can combine their things as they compromise.
When one of you moves into the other’s place and doesn’t let their own individuality in furniture and décor come too, it’s easy to feel like you are merely a house guest.
Be Certain That Both of You Have Your Own Space
Whether it’s just a small nook, a desk, or a tiny room, if space allows, each partner should have their own spot to call their own. In a two-bedroom apartment, for example, one bedroom could even be divided. And if one or both work from home, well, you know – more isolated, uninterruptible space.
Schedule “Me” Time
You had a life before you met your partner. You had friends, outside-of-work interests, hobbies, and so forth. When you first move in together, there is naturally a honeymoon period. You are “setting up the house,” enjoying the glow of actually being together around the clock, and so it is natural that you will be spending a large chunk of your time with each other. As all of this initial stuff begins to wear off, it’s time to reconnect with yourself. Schedule time with friends, take that class you want, get back to the gym, and shop alone. If you sacrifice these things, you will only become resentful. If you are having trouble doing this, or if either of you becomes resentful, connect with others who are in the same situation. You can also register on the Hily app and join in the conversations with others who have successfully met this challenge and have a thriving relationship while having parts of their lives that are independent of one another.
Allow Yourself Freedom to Be Who You Really Are
When dating, you always tried to look your best when you saw each other. Here is where the proverbial “rubber meets the road.” If you work from home, you might stay in your pajamas or other “grubs” while you work. Your “bed head” may last a little longer while you make your coffee and get ready for your day; if you are female, you may go without makeup all day; if male, you might go all day with beard stubble. And you may have quirky habits that your partner has not seen before. You are now going to see each other at your “best,” your “worst,” and everything in between. Both of you have to be accepting of the other’s unique habits and routines. If you are not, little things become big irritants.
Have Your Own Money
This should almost go without saying, but too often, couples pool their money into joint accounts. When that happens, it’s too easy to see every dime a partner spends and on what. Not a good thing. While you should pool your money for household expenses, each of you needs your own checking and savings accounts so that you can individually make purchases and control the money that is just yours. If you want that pair of shoes or jacket, you don’t feel that you have to justify that expense to your partner.
You are about to enter a new phase of your life. Things will be different, to be sure. But if both of you are careful to retain who you are as individuals and accept each other’s individuality, you are in store for happy days ahead.
